Life in Level One

Narrator: In A.D. Twenty 20-1-1 day was beginning.

Hiro: *snoring*

Fairy: Hey! Listen!

Hiro: *snores* Huh?!Whe?!Wha… What?

Fairy: Hey! Listen! Get up! It’s time to SAVE THE WORLD!

Hiro: Why is my alarm clock… floating?

Fairy: Hey! I’m a fairy! Not an alarm clock! Now get up! It’s time SAVE THE WORLD!.. and take a shower.

(Intro: If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say all of you have at least heard of video games. You may have played one at some point in your life. You might even be what some people consider a “hardcore” gamer. And while these games bringing entertainment to the lives of many people, how often do we think about the lives of the people in those games? Life in Level One.)

Hiro: *yawns*

Nar: Welcome to the BATHROOM! To use the SHOWER select the CURTAIN with the cursor and press A!

Hiro: Where is that voice coming from? And why is it telling me how to take a shower?

Nar: Would you like to continue the TUTORIAL?

Hiro: Even if I say no, you’ll keep talking… won’t you?

Nar: Once in the SHOWER, use the control stick to maintain the WATER TEMPERATURE!

Hiro: Okay, this voice is really starting to weird me out. I’ll just make this quick.

Nar: And now… how to use the TOILET!

Hiro: Really, really quick!

Nar: Hiro got through THE BATHROOM ZONE!

Hiro: Alright, just get in this Warp Pipe here… *warps* … and I’m in my room!

Fairy: Hey, are you ready yet?

Hiro: Yeah, just a second. Let me grab my bag of holding, and we can get going.

Nar: At the front door…

Old Man: I AM OLD MAN!

Hiro: What the?! How did you get into my house?

Old Man: It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this.

Hiro: What is this, some kind of massive sword?

Old Man: That glows!

Hiro: Thank you… I guess.

Old Man: Now go forth and fulfill your destiny. And put on a sweater! It’s cold out, and the weather said there’s a good chance of zombie today!

Hiro: Fine, if it’ll get you out of my house. I think I have a coat in my bag, let me just put this away… Heh, it’s a good thing this bag defies the laws of physics, or I wouldn’t be able to carry half the stuff I do. *zips up coat* Well, better get going.

Nar: Outside. On the sidewalk.

Hiro: So, where am I supposed to be going?

Fairy: I told you; follow the ARROW with the giant EXCLAMATION POINT!

Hiro: And why are you still following me?

Fairy: Because somehow you keep forgetting things I just told you five minutes ago!

Hiro: Good point. Huh, I wonder what that kid over there is doing. He’s kind of just walking around in a circle…

Fairy: Hey! Watch out! That’s a FANÉMON TRAINER! If he sees you, you’ll have to…

Fanémon Trainer: *excited gasp* You just looked at me! According to the rules of the Fanny-Pack Monster Battle League, you have to fight me now!

Hiro: Wait, kid! I’m not a…

FT: Go! Gokāzaru!

Gokāzaru: *released from Fanéball* OoohOoohOooh!

Fairy: Gokāzaru! The… uh… well, it’s basically just a giant monkey that’s on fire. Which means it’s weak against water!

Hiro: Woah woah woah! Kid, I’m not a Fanémon Trainer.

FT: You’re not? But then, what’s that?

Hiro: What this? It’s some fairy alarm clock thingy.

Fairy: Hey! I told you I’m not an alarm clock!

FT: Oh… um, we didn’t fight, but could you give me some victory money anyway? For some reason my mom thought it was a good idea to send a ten year-old kid out into the wild to fight super powered animals… and I’m kind of broke.

Hiro: Yeah, sure kid, let me just… wait, I’m broke too. Do you see any tall grass around here?

FT: That lawn could use a trim, but it’s not tall enough for a Fanémon to hide in if that’s what you mean.

Hiro: It’ll work. Let me just grab my Massive Glowing Sword here, and… *slashes grass* pick up these spontaneously appearing gemstones. Here you go kid. Be careful, okay.

Nar: A few minutes later…

Hiro: Well, here’s where the exclamation point stops. But there doesn’t seem to be anything important around…

Fairy: Hey! Look! It’s MEGAMUSCLEMAN!

MegaMuscleMan: Hello there young hero! I can see that you are on a GRAND QUEST!

Hiro: Really? Because all I’ve been doing today has been following this giant exclamation point.

MMM: But of course! After all, you do have a MASSIVE… GLOWING SWORD! But it will take far more than that to defeat Dr. GamonSmartguyMachinik’s evil GoblinRobotNightmare army… and SAVE THE WORLD! But fear not, young hero! For I shall teach you fighting techniques which have been passed down my family line for generations!

Hiro: Is this another tutorial?

MMM: Perhaps?!

Hiro: Nevermind then.

MMM: Very well then. But if you ever feel you wish to learn these techniques, you need only speak with me!

Hiro: Well, right now I’m going to see what giant glowing circle on the ground over there is. Experience has taught me to investigate anything shiny.

Hanzo: Hey you! GET OVER HERE!

Hiro: Look kid, I’m not a Fanémon Train… AAH! You’re not a Fanémon Trainer!

Hanzo: Of course not! I… am Captain Hanzo Peregrine. Deadly shinobi warrior and renowned space bounty hunter. And I’m also quite the racecar driver.

Hiro: Your outfit’s a little colorful for a ninja.

Hanzo: That’s because my ninja skills are so good it doesn’t matter if you can see me.

Hiro: What are you doing anyway?

Hanzo: Waiting.

Hiro: Waiting? For what?

Battle Announcer: FIGHT!

Hanzo: That. Now SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!

Hiro: Fight? Wait, I’m not readYYYYYYYY…!

Hanzo: Peregrine… PUNCH!

Hiro: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Battle Announcer: Hanzo Wins! FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Nar: Fortunately Hiro had an EXTRA LIFE. And next time, he took MegaMuscleMan’s training, defeated Captain Hanzo Peregrine, and SAVED THE WORLD.