The Great Ninja Vs. Pirate Debate

Intro: If you had to choose who was cooler, ninjas, or pirates, who would your choice be? After all, ninjas are great fighters, and pirates are… well, they’re greater fighters too. This could turn into quite an argument if these two rivals had to prove their superior combative abilities. In fact, it could become The Great Ninja vs. Pirate Debate.

Moderator: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Great Debate oh…nine. Our two debaters today are part of an epic battle that could be raging in the geek community for years; ninjas versus pirates. First off, representing the Momonga Clan, Ihavu no sake-sensei.

Ninja: Thank you. It is truly an honor to be here.

M: And to my left, representing the P.S.F.R.N.B.G., the nefarious duo of Captain Kibbles and his pet parrot, Bits.

Pirate: Yarr! Me name be pronounced “Kibail”! And me parrot’s name is Bayits.

~Parrot: Rawk! We’re happy to be here! Happy to be here! *whistle*

M: And I’ll be your moderator for today. We’ll start by having you each deliver your prepared opening statement, and then I’ll begin asking some questions. No sake-sensei, you’re first.

N: The art of ninjutsu is one of silence, so words cannot begin to describe the greatness of our ways. However, I shall simply state that unlike the drunkard methods of the pirates, we shinobi are quick, efficient, and, if I may say so, look quite amazing while doing our business.

M: Very good. And Captain?

P: Aye, let me begin by saying that if I were made world president, I would protect every man’s right to free seas, and free rum… *drinking sounds*

M: Uhh, Captain?

P: *drinking sounds* Ahhh. And, if elected…

M: Uh, Captain, let me just clarify for you. This is a ninjas versus pirates debate, not a world president debate. Whatever that would be.

P: Ayyyeeeeee… errr… very well then. Continue.

M: Right, first question then. How do you feel about your group’s representation in media today? Captain?

P: Why, I believe that the media representin’ of pirates has been much better than in the past. And, recent cinema has brought much needed attention to the P.S.F.R.N.B.G.’s cause.

N: And, what, exactly, is this cause?

M: Yeah, I was kind of wondering that myself.

P: Yarrr, why it be the Pirate Society For the Rum Not Being Gone!

~Rawk! *hic* Why is the rum gone? *whistle*

P: Aye matey, why is it gone…

N: Hmmph, expected. As for the ninja, we believe that our media has recently been lacking. Mutant reptiles are simply not enough. However, our presence in video games is as strong as ever.

P: Argh, only because yee mutinied the company presidents and took over!

N: Business is business. A job is not spoken of, once complete.

M: Some very interesting points. Now, for those who want to join you, tell us about your lifestyle.

N: Should one choose the way of the shadows, they will find themselves living much more physically fit lives, through our rigorous training. It is best that they be somewhat of a night owl, as most of our business is conducted at night. Also, I’ve always believed that women, or men, should you be a kunoichi, love a man, or woman, who can throw a good kunai knife.

M: So, you’d say ninjas are pretty romantic then?

N: Oh, certainly. We appreciate things such as art, poetry, and moonlit strolls through the treetops.

P: Arrr, who needs romance when there’s always a tavern girl waitin’ for ye?

N: I believe this justifies my earlier “drunkard” statement.

P: Aye, so what if we have a little merriment when we come into port after being out to sea for so long. And that’s what piracy offers, high adventures on the high seas! With all that looted booty as a bonus.

~Rawk! Why is the rum gone? *hic* Rum gone. *whistle*

M: Heh, you should probably keep an eye on your parrot there captain! Shifting focus for a bit, what are your thoughts on the Living Impaired, more commonly known as “zombies”.

N: The undead are, like us, most active at night, so they are a fairly common obstacle in our missions. However, they are easily disposed of, and therefore are inconsequential to the, how you say, big picture.

P: Aye, I’d have to agree with the Sensei ‘ere. While there’s sometimes unnatural number of those who return from Davy Jones’ locker, a quick cutlass slash…

M: Hey,watch where you’re swinging that thing captain!

P:  …or cannonball through the head will take care of ‘em.

~Rawk! Boom, headshot! *whistle*

M: On a somewhat similar note, what about robots?

N: Robots? Wha-what robots? There’s certainly no robots being developed to help the ninjas take over.

M: I didn’t say there were.

N: Ah, of course, as that would be ridiculous…

P: Aye, robots be nice and fancy, but they’ll never replace the soul of a flesh and blood crew. That, and the ‘ole not waterproof thing kind of puts a damper on it all.

M: Recently the cowboy group has been making a motion to join the fight. How do you think their reemergence will affect the age-old war?

P: The cowboys could be good friends of the pirates. However, trying to keep all those cows, and horses, and tumbleweeds on one ship, they’d probably all just get in the way.

N: Yes, the cowboys are about as bad as you. Except for that one who had the sense to come train with us. He was an actor, if I am remembering correctly. Of the Norris clan.

P: Ahh, old Fist Beard! Don’t yee be forgettin’, he sailed with pirates for a time.

N: Yes, but, only after defeating them with techniques taught to him by our ninja masters.

P: What are ye sayin’ matey?

N: Simply that your tactics are far, far inferior to ours.

P: Oh yeah?! I’ll show yee inferior!

N: I would like to see you try.

M: No sake-sensei, calm down! You too Kibbles and Bits!

P: Arrrright! That be the last straw! Prepare to be keelhauled pajama boy!

~Rawk! Pajama boy! Pajama boy! *whistle*

N: Fool. You shall never defeat the true power of the Momonga Clan’s Great Flying Squirrel Style Technique.

M: Well, I suppose the was bound to happen eventually…

P: Take this yee scurvy brat!

M: So, who’s cooler when it comes to ninjas vs. pirates? The world may never know. That’s all for today, I’m getting out of here before these two kill me!

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